I haven’t written anything in a while so I thought it was about I out pen to paper or should that be pixels to screen?

If you have read some of my previous blog posts you will have seen me write about my son’s, my anxiety and depression and, my being ‘fatshamed’. Well this is going to combine all of them a little.

I have Anxiety, social/general or whatever label it is this week, depression and low self esteem, some of this stems from my weight but that’s not the only reason.

I work nights shifts over the weekend so it’s the smallest amount of people in the office which is throughout the day time all week, buzzing with hundreds of people. If people ask me to go out I normally find an excuse not to go so I don’t have to see people but more importantly people don’t see me.

At one particular time a couple of months ago, I was feeling down, my husband was at work and my son’s settled in bed asleep. I had the tv on bit not really watching it and my mind was running over time, thinking random, not always welcome thoughts, anyone who has experienced anxiety or depression will know that feeling.

I noticed on the tv a programme about pageanting, so i googled plus size pageants, then UK plus size pageants and I found a few (which i was really suprised at, I always thought of pageants as an ‘American’ thing) so I decided to enter, You had to enter a few details and a picture or two , I guess I figured why the Fuck not, I have nothing to lose, what’s the worse that can happen, I didn’t hear back or got rejected? (wouldn’t be the first time).

So a few weeks went past and I got an email to say I had gotten into the final of Miss British beauty curve and another email from Miss Voluptuous UK. I got excited, I read what you have to do and started to research into pageants and we’ll lets just say . . . it isn’t cheap!!! I spoke to my husband and my mum about it and they both encouraged me to go for it!

There’s different rounds and different dresses, outfits, dances, and then trying to find sponsors . . . then the anxiety started to set in… How am I supposed to get anyone to sponsor me? Who would want to sponsor me? Where do I find a plus size pageant dress? How do I walk in heels? Do you have to have a talent, like twirling batons? Like you see on tv.

Yours clothing sponsored me this outfit

The thing I got very excited by is for Miss Voluptuous UK as part of your platform you try to raise money and awareness for your chosen Charity. This is something I could definately get passionate about, and I knew exactly which charities I would choose.

Www.gbss.org.uk as when my second son was born we almost lost him, it was the most horrific time in my life and I would never wish anything like that on any other parent or parent to be… Group B Strep is common and not many people know about it, it’s not a problem the majority of the time but in pregnancy and labour it can be devastating, even causing still birth or infant death not long after birth. It can all be prevented if the UK NHS would do a simple test around 36 weeks in pregnancy and give antibiotics to the mother in labour and the baby after birth.

Www.steps-charity.org.uk I chose because my youngest son has talipes, more commonly known as clubbed foot/feet. This came as a shock to start with as minutes after my baby was born the midwife asked me “do you know your son has clubbed feet?” My son has clubbed feet, he’s being treated with the Ponsetti method, hes now 2.5 years old and in bedtime boots and bar wear and his feet are cute and chubby and are alot straighter than they were when he was born, there is a risk of relapse but if that happens we will deal with that if/when needs be. I have officially started Volunteering for Steps for Coventry, offering advice or help to other parents of children with talipes and other lower limb disabilities like hip dysplasia.

Fundraising has been a real motivator for me, emailing and meeting with various businesses to try and get them to donate raffle prizes or funds to the fundraising pages i have set up for my chosen Charities. I have had a great response and been donated some amazing prizes for my raffles and quizzes, which i am planning on drawing via my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram pages, a bake sale at work and fingers crossed a charity ball.

I have so much still to do for the pageants and my charity platforms. . .

Find some gowns.

Find sponors.

Try to get more prizes.

Confirm a venue.

And still learn to walk in heels which is no mean feat especially with my dodgy knees and clumsy balance.

So far my Pageant Journey has been extremely positive (I was expecting it to be full of bitchy women). But the ladies I have met at charity balls (organised by other ladies for thier own charity platforms) and communicated with have been lovely, helpful, and very encouraging to me both directly and via social media.

I always thought that women in pageants were all ditzy and bitchy and not my kind of people, but these women are amazing, beautiful inside and out, empowering to each other and role models to all women. . . especially who don’t conform to society’s typical view on beauty.

If you want to follow my journey click the links below


Twitter: Ducki1984

Instagram: Plussizepageant

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